OK, so the Chippewa Valley has Country Jam, Blue Ox, Reverb, Summer Jam, Rock Fest, Hoofbeat (!?), Force Fields, One Fest, Jazz Fest, Decadent Cabaret, Blues on the Chippewa, and other fests I simply cannot be bothered to remember. And countless outdoor music serieseses.

What I’m saying is this: the Chippewa Valley’s appetite for live music festivals is vast and bottomless. Our insatiable musical maw must be stuffed, and thankfully, there are countless juicy genres left to exploit. Reggae? Rockabilly? Dixieland? That thing where a group of people sings without instruments, but they mimic the instruments, because I guess they can’t afford the instruments? These are all ripe to be fest’ed. The Valley is overflowing with disposable income, so why play it safe?

My point is this: Don’t stop at music. We’ve already got some fest-like annual activities for food and ski jumping and chainsaws and chalk and whatnot, but let’s explore new horizons and break new ground on the bleeding edge of the envelope. The Chippewa Valley could totally innovate the cultural fest scene, serving as the prototype for communities around the globe. Who else is gonna do that? Friggin’ Wausau?

Not on my watch, Buster Brown.

Here are a few fantastic fest ideas I literally just made up in my own mind.

Streamin’ in the Valley

We all love watching TV shows, but how often do we do it with thousands of strangers, out in a damp field, while eating a $13 Korean BBQ taco? Never! Throw in some $10 Summer Shandy tallboys and 15–20 humid porta potties and sign me up! We can probably get through most of The Office in a three-day weekend if it runs all night.

ReligiFest

If religious freedom’s your thing, this bad boy’s for you! We’re talking three full days of church services, midnight rituals, rites of passages, vision quests, prayer circles, drum circles, and black masses. All are welcome! This multi-genre festival is curated to give you a taste o’ every faith, even the weird ones. It’s a buffet of belief!

Toilet Jam

This fest has a bit of a niche audience, but let’s be honest, so does the Chippewa Valley Air Show.* Toilet Jam caters to the bathroom furnishings, fixtures, and appliances industry. Each year, a vast array of national bathroom brands will descend upon the Valley to compete (head to head) in stunning competitions of lavatory derring-do. Thrill to the Flush Off. Bate your breath for exciting rounds of Speed Showering. Who will win this year’s Towel Racking?

Mixed Masters

If there’s one thing the Chippewa Valley does right a lot of, it’s mixed use buildings. Just imagine how many people will flock to a festival which allows them to experience the latest and greatest mixed uses our developers have to offer. I can imagine so many! Everyone will love to see all-new build-o-vations like mixed use Pickleball Complex + Restaurant Incubator, mixed use Bus Station + Black Box Theater, mixed use Disc Golf + Regional Helipad, and mixed use Motocross Terrain Park + Day Shelter. You can mix anything!

Weathering Heights

Pop quiz! What do people love about music festivals besides very loud music? The weather! That’s why they’re all held outside, Dummy. Here in the Chippewa Valley, we just can’t get enough of the weather, so let’s finally give it the stage it deserves. Just check out this Saturday lineup: 10am - Drizzle, 11:30am - Sun & Humidity, 12:30pm - Freezing Rain, 2pm - Cyclones,  3:30pm - Thunder Claps, 5pm - Haze, 6:30pm - Clouds & Humidity, 8pm - Ball Lightning, 9:30pm - Hoar Frost.

It all comes down to this: You can make a fest out of anything and it will for sure make lots and lots of money.

*It’s mostly for old people and children still impressed by the miracle of flight.