No matter where we are on life’s journey, there is one path we will inevitably travel – likely repeatedly: the path of grief.

Whether it’s the loss of a parent, a spouse, a child, or some other loved one that puts us on the path, it will be an emotional journey that may last years.

Fortunately, it’s a path we don’t have to walk alone. It’s for this reason that Laurie Hittman and Sue Ripp created the Grief Circle, a six-week program for those experiencing grief, which will begin its next series on Thursday, April 4, at the Ecumenical Religious Center in Eau Claire.

“We try to reassure people that everybody’s grief is unique, and that it’s up to them to walk their own journey,” Hittman said in an interview.

Those who participate, Ripp added, “realize that they’re not in this alone, that what they’re feeling is common. There are tears sometimes, and sometimes laughter. That all goes together into healing.”

The two facilitators draw on their careers and personal experiences navigating grief.

Ripp, who spent more than 30 years as a chaplain at Mayo Clinic Health System, lost her son, Christopher, in 2013. She retired the following year, and soon started a grief support group at her church, which met quarterly. Over time, more and more people – even those she didn’t know – would get in touch with her to talk about their own grief, particularly over the loss of a child. About two years ago, Ripp and Hittman – both members of Newman Catholic Parish – created the Grief Circle, which welcomes anyone in the Chippewa Valley who wants to take part.

“We know that grief is a process, it’s not an event. It’s something that’s going to change your life forever, and it can also be a very positive, transformative process.”

Hittman, a retired educator who has facilitated thousands of group sessions over the years, has been profoundly impacted by grief as well: Nearly 50 years ago, at age 21, she lost a brother to bone cancer. “That really was a pivotal time in my life, and I remember it distinctly because … there wasn’t any kind of support for my family or me in the early years,” she recalls. “Personally, I pursued a lot of different things on my own over the years about grief and about death, and it was something that I was just trying to resolve in my own mind and my own life.”

The pair emphasize that grief is a natural reaction that can have physical, mental, and spiritual impacts, and can create emotions that include regret, fear, anxiety, anger, and panic. And yet sometimes people are pressured to ignore their grief.

“Families often think, ‘Well you should be over it by now,’ and that’s not how it works,” Ripp said.

Families – and others – can also say hurtful things without meaning to. See below for some of the worst and best things you can say to someone who is experiencing grief.

The Grief Circle will be from 6-7:30pm on six consecutive Thursdays beginning April 4 at the Ecumenical Religions Center adjacent to the UW-Eau Claire campus at 110 Garfield Ave. While the group is sponsored by Newman Parish, it is open to everyone regardless of their faith background. It is typically limited to eight participants and is held twice a year.

Hittman said the curriculum begins by exploring what grief looks and feels like, and participants discuss what they are thinking and feeling as they navigate grief. Then the group goes into greater depth to talk about the necessity of grief, and how it’s important for people to embrace the feelings they have. In the third week, they explore the tasks of grief and the kinds of processes that people need to deal with to experience grief in a healthy way. They also talk about the difference between grief and depression. In the fourth week, they discuss the importance of memories, and how to handle holidays and special events. Week five addresses resilience and self-care, while the final week focuses on healing.

“We know that grief is a process, it’s not an event,” Hittman said. “It’s something that’s going to change your life forever, and it can also be a very positive, transformative process.”

Everything said in the group is confidential, and participants can share as much or as little as they are comfortable with.

Ripp refers to the Grief Circle as a “sacred place” because of what is shared there. “It’s bringing people together who are ready to learn. It takes a lot of courage,” Ripp said.

The Grief Circle also gives participants a venue to talk about their lost loved ones, something that other friends or family might not be comfortable doing but that is nonetheless important. The facilitators cite a quote from Mitch Albom’s book Tuesdays With Morrie: “Death ends a life, not a relationship.”

The Grief Circle allows participants to both acknowledge their sadness and celebrate their loved one’s life.

“Eventually there comes a time when you can look back and see how far you’ve come, and see your resiliency, and see the beauty of the thing you’re grieving,” Ripp said. “We wouldn’t grieve so deeply if we didn’t love so deeply.”

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To learn more about the Grief Circle and how to register, call Newman Catholic Parish at (715) 834-3399.

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THE BEST THINGS TO SAY TO SOMEONE IN GRIEF

1. I am so sorry for your loss.
2. I wish I had the right words; just know I care.
3. I don’t know how you feel, but I am here to help in any way I can.
4. You and your loved one will be in my thoughts and prayers.
5. My favorite memory of your loved one is …
6. I am always just a phone call away.
7. Give a hug instead of saying something.
8. We all need help at times like this, I am here for you.
9. I am usually up early or late, if you need anything.
10. Say nothing: Just be with the person.

THE WORST THINGS TO SAY TO SOMEONE IN GRIEF

1. At least she lived a long life, many people die young.
2. He is in a better place.
3. She brought this on herself.
4. There is a reason for everything.
5. Aren’t you over him yet, he has been dead for a while now.
6. You can have another child still.
7. She was such a good person God wanted her to be with him.
8. I know how you feel.
9. She did what she came here to do and it was her time to go.
10. Be strong.

Source: David Kessler, an expert on death and dying, at grief.com.